“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”~By Marianne Willamson
Our Deepest Fears by Marianne Williamson was introduced to me years ago by my counsellor when I was training to become a counsellor. She gave it to me as a gift on our last session and it was the best gift I could have ever received. As I read it tears began to stream down my face. It resonated with me but why? It explained what was before the un-explainable. I had always wondered why my attitude to life was like a rusty car. I started well in all projects but then started stopped , started, stopped and so on and so on. This fears hit the nail on the head for me. This junted flow was caused by seeing how good I was at something. It sounds so silly but seeing and feeling my potential in the things I do used to scare me and I used to crawl back into my tortoise shell, only to come out again at a later date. It’s an ongoing battle. The most recent example I can give is when I interviewed Rhian Benson and Omarion for Self-Central. It was a new concept and these two guests were my first . As you can see from the footage hits and comments on Youtube it went well, but you will also see that there hasn’t been another interview since. I could name the following excuses… “Artists are so hard to lock down”,” I work full-time and getting the cameraman and artists schedules to sync is difficult” whilst this is the truth, the real reason is in the moment I was happy, I loved what I was doing, it fit and made sense. Watching it back blew me away and it scared the hell out of me at the same time. Seeing myself on camera is a weird sensation it is a real time reflection of who I am, how I am and how I interact with people. All of this is great but it still led me to crawl back into my shell again.
It’s frustrating, upsetting and I am aware of it, which means I have to make my decisions in the moment away from habit and old patterns of behaving. Yes I am a counsellor, yes I know exactly what I am doing most of the time, but I am human and the journey of learning never stops. None of us are perfect. You are the driver of your life, it’s okay to change speeds but the most important thing that I have learnt is to never stop. Once you stop, it becomes harder to reeve up the engine again and pick up where you left off. I however do not regret anything, it is what it is and each day I use my knowledge to make better choices. The tortoise won the race in the end.
If you are scared of something, check with yourself whether it is the fear, the fear of seeing who you really are, or the beauty of seeing who you are. If you look in the mirror and do not like yourself there is work to be done. If you look in the mirror and love your external self, though lost in your internal self, there is work to be done. Regardless of where you are at, there is always work to do, to be a better you. This is your right. Honour your passions, your gift, your dreams and see where it takes you. You have them for a reason.
© Lisa Bent 2012
