Dating in the 21st Century: Part1

My last relationship was two years ago. I can’t tell you the last time I met someone new or went on a date. Please don’t say “Ahhhh” because this situation called singledom is self inflicted. The truth is I haven’t felt bothered to look or make an effort, I have however been open to fineness, if fineness happens to cross my path. The only path that has shown up is  Speed Dating and the wise words of  Paul Carrick Brunson . Cleary Mr Fine, is stuck in a traffic, in hiding or is relaxing someone telepathically telling me “Your husband awaits. Patience my darling is a virtue”.  Faith is a funny old thing and because I believe in it, the latter scenario is probably true. 


The paradox however lies in the fact that singledom is harder in winter and winter people, is coming. Do not get it twisted, the same kind of standards apply all year round and do not drop for this season...I am merely just acknowledging a fact, do I get an Amen?

This is cool and sad at the same time

This week I met two guys in two very different circumstances. The first guy, who I will call Mr A to protect his identity, was introduced to me via a friend. She sold him well to me and vice versa and we met this week. Prior to the meeting we exchanged a few emails which centred on availability and location with a little humorous flair added. This was to be our first blind dates.  A situation like this involves trust, trust that the match maker got the equations of personalities correct.

When I walked into the bar, Mr A was already there waiting in the best seat in the house. As we greeted each other, it was like we were long time friends. Nerves must have taken a day off that night, because they weren’t with me. 15 minutes in and he had already clocked up 4 gold stars, the location, seating area, greeting and wine choice. Fast forward; I find intelligent men sexy, I love openness, debate and transparency. If I cannot look into a man’s eyes and see more...there is a problem. Mr A is a lovely, genuine, kind hearted soul. As he walked me to the station and we said our goodbyes, I clocked up that he accumulated at least 10 Gold stars. Do not ask me where this gold star system has come from, perhaps Super Mario overdose when I was younger has a lot to answer for. 

Anyway I view this as a nice way to focus on the good points.  Future dates who read this... I hope it doesn’t put you off.

The next day, after work I went to an event and as soon as I walked in I was drawn to Mr B,  I cannot tell you what it was but you know when your friend is talking to you and you end up acting like your listening because you cannot focus, because you are aware someone is watching you? Well that is what I was doing (Sorry Akua) In hindsight, that must have looked ridiculous, oh well. So after the event I was trying to look out for him without being bait, he was doing the same thing because we caught each other’s eye “Where have I seen you before” he mouthed. I am bad at lip reading so I had no choice but to go over and say... “Huh?”. Who does that? Of all the words, why couldn’t I have elegantly said “Sorry, what did you say?” No that’s just too easy. Clearly he had never seen my face before but that little chat up line is better than “PPPSSSSHHH PSSSSSHHHHH” “Ay what’s your name” or “HEY! However to be fair to the men that do approach me, “Hey Miss” is the usual greeting, which I love.

Anyway fast forward...I took Paul Carrick Brunson's advice and decided to give him a compliment I said “Your eyelashes are so long. Do you know I have to apply 3 coats of mascara to get what you naturally have” Can you fricking believe that? Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut? What is wrong with me? As I looked to the floor searching for the little visible crack to try and disappear into, not before noticing how nice and clean his shoes were, his laugh and the words “Thank you” enabled me to look into his pretty eyes again without the shame. That broke the ice.

At the corner of my eye I could see Akua and Michelle signalling and mouthing words I couldn’t read. It was the repeated movement of putting a non existent phone to their ear that informed me they were egging me on to “Get his number”. They wanted to go home and intuitively new that speeding up this process was the way to do it. So as he was talking I cut over him to say... “Look, can I have your number?” Oh my God! how rude am I? There are nicer ways to ask, I don’t know what happened. I guess this is what pressure does. Men I will NEVER judge you for asking me for my number in this way AGAIN. I get it. It’s not intentional...by the majority.

He said yes and asked “Do you want the number or bb pin?” I am not used to choice. There has never been choice before. My brain said both and my mouth said pin. So I ended up with the latter, I kicked myself  but then decided to see what conversing in this way would be like, since this appears to be the preferred method by teenagers and young adults.

I wasn’t really waiting for a bus, but look two came at once.

BB exchanged and the pinging began. Morning, lunch, afternoon and night, I was smiling throughout the day due to the questions and flirting. It was different in a nice way but very distracting. We decided to meet this weekend. I had a chilled Saturday and was looking forward to the evening. We decided on the time but not place as he didn’t like my restaurant suggestion (bloody cheek).

Anyway I was adding new apps to my phone and a password. Everything was great until I logged back in and my phone was telling me my password was incorrect, even though it was correct. Fourth attempt and STRIKE...my phone wiped everything. EVERYTHING. I last backed up early October so I managed to sync everything again, everything except his bb pin!

My phone didnt even say this. It just went straight for the wipe

Oh well. I clearly didn't catch that bus very well.

So I can conclude that 21^st century dating has its pro’s and cons. Recommendations are the way forward. I am not saying I want anyone to arrange a marriage for me, but I now see the value in the essence of suggesting potential partners. Friends with single men...send in your suggestions, this is an underrated experience. This way also had a courting vibe about it which was respectful and cute. Two people in the same situation open to the possibilities. I would definitely recommend this.

Had my friends not rushed me, I think I would have waited a little longer to see if he would have asked me for mine details, before asking. However I have no problem with being forward. I quite liked it. The BB way of doing things has its benefits, i.e. I am not getting charged, we are in a recession don’t you know (joke) though it felt alien and lazy. I like to hear the voice at the other end of a phone and where are the boundaries? You wouldn’t call or email someone that many times in a day, so why is this okay on BB? There are different rules and I’m not sure what they are or even if I want to know. I may ask my brother to educate me anyway (Never thought I would say that). Both ways of interacting were interesting but the lesson that stands out the most is...

Never relay on digital devices. Before technology ruled the world asking for their full name and  phone number was a basic requirement. Oh how times have changed. 

So as I finish this sentence I am  left wondering if Mr B has sent a few messages that have been delivered but not received. Will he know to re-add me again? or is he wondering why none of his messages are getting read? Did he even send anymore messages? If not the whole point of me wondering is a pointless act.

I will update you if Mr B finds me again! Ohhh the suspense eh? Ha Ha. The trials and tribulations of dating!


Related Posts:
1. Dating in the s1st Century: Part2
2.The Big Conversations: Review
3.Catch Me Cupid: Review

Catch Me Cupid - Review

Last night I went to my first ever speed dating session… yes people this is what it has come to. How else are you meant to find men these days? So off I went dragging my friend with me, but not before I had a full blown discussion with three men and two women at work (and anyone else who happened to be in ear shot) on what type of lipstick I should wear:  Neutral (N.O 17 Nudist Peach) or Red (N.o 17 Hollywood)

Neutral was the men’s choice as it was subtle and the women all said red because it stood out in a subtle way. I went with Nudist Peach. I am amazed that I even had this discussion, how pathetic; though I think the very nature of speed dating changes your usual behaviour. You have 3 minutes to impress and so the pressure is on from the start.

So in we both walked, though not before changing my nude lips to luscious red, coupled with my leopard print scarf, I looked classy though in hindsight I may have looked like a female ready to pounce on my prey… i'm joking. There is nothing wrong with enhancing what you got right?

We were the first ones there and therefore looked like eager beavers whilst everyone turned up, not late, but well they weren’t first were they? So I guess we can call it fashionably less eager? Anyway there are benefits to being early. ..

One by one we saw the “talent”.  In no particular order, I introduce you to…

 1. Mr confident

2. Rucksack man

3. Italian stallion

4. Pinstripes

5. Slimy

6. Stretch

7. I walked into the wrong room” (IWITWR)

8. South Park Cartman

9. Dry Man

Yep our sense of hope had deflated. The room was filled with gorgeous women and unfortunately the men did not match. Deflated yes, but the openness to have fun was not. Mojitos were swiftly ordered and tonight Matthew I decided to become…. Carrie from Sex and the City, after all I was going to write about my experience and I wanted to add fun to the mix.

Number 1 takes a seat at my table, introduces himself and says with an outstretched hand “What’s your name?” I reply swiftly “Lisa”… er I failed at the first hurdle what is that about? I clearly cannot lie and so spent the rest of the night telling the truth and guess what? I had so much fun.

I was in a room with people that I may never have met or spoken to in other circumstances and if im honest it would have been a damn shame.

1. Mr confident – was very interesting though his over confidence was off putting.

2. Rucksack man - was from Kansas City and not from the same place as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, as he corrected me.

3. Italian Stallion- Very interesting person. Uber cool

4. Pinstripes – Had a great conversation about Psychotherapy.

5. Slimy- Very funny guy with serious lyrics, though he continually invaded my space. I think he was aiming   to sit on my lap –not cool.

6. Stretch- Ultimate nice guy

7. IWITWR – Fabulous wit

8. South Park Cartman- Had me in stitches and if I was a comedy agent I would pimp him out to the comedy circuit. My laugh was not sexy at all.

9. Dry Man – He was dry. That is all

The two funniest moments were…

At the start of the night IWITWR and Pinstripes started the proceedings early by interviewing each other. This was highly confusing, though soon realised it was just two men sussing out the competition.

My friend Marilyn, though the guys on the night will know her as Charlotte (Yes Sex and the City reference- again) provided the biggest entertainment. I should cringe at this fact, but I won’t as I’m a true friend damn it! She was talking to South Park Cartman when she reached over to me and said “My date is looking at your date cos he is bi – sexual”. South Park Cartman then looked distraught and said “You weren’t meant to tell anyone, I told you in confidence.” He then stood up and made a dramatic exit, quickly followed by Marilyn who looked seriously worried. The room went silent as everyone watched the events unfold, looking at me for answers and me looking back with a blank face.

They both walked in a few minutes later with her announcing she was forgiven and we all continued. It wasn’t until the night ended that they both revealed to me it was all an act to spice things up. That was definately an Oscar worthy performance.

All in all this was a fantastic fun night. Siobhan O'Mahoney-Copland is the founder of Catch me Cupid and has tapped into a well needed market. Cupid clearly wasn’t in the house for me this time, he was probably hiding...

...but who knows what can happen for you. Keep up to speed with the event here: http://www.catchmecupid.co.uk/

In the meantime I will continue with my motto “Nothing for you will pass you” though I am open to new experiences. “Never judge a book by it’s cover " was also reinforced as was the importance of a man who can make me laugh.

P.s They don’t normally reveal the results but for this purpose only… I got 7 ticks for a date and 1 friend request, not bad out of 9! :-)

Related Posts:
1.Dating in the 21st Century: Part 1
2.Dating in the 21st Century: Part 2
3.The Big Conversations: Review

© Lisa Bent 2011