FROM THE MOUTHS OF MOTHERS - Review

Last week I went to see FROM THE MOUTHS OF MOTHERS, a powerful and inspiring play created in collaboration with Mosac, a UK charity which supports non-abusing parents and carers of children who have been sexually abused. Created from 14 hours of interviews, the play tells seven true stories from mothers who had discovered that their children had been sexually abused. 

Take note of your thoughts and body sensations having read my opening line.  This topic immediately creates internal reactions in many and as a result has the ability to  silence the opportunity for further discussions to take place due to fear. Art is a great medium to comment on social issues, as it has the ability to inform and highlight whilst tapping into your senses and emotions in ways that television or newspapers can’t. You are absorbed in the moment which you have to stay with. A moment that is not broken by an ad break or turning a page to see a new story.  

Amanda Stuart-Fisher, London based  Playwright and senior lecturer at Central School of Speech and Drama. Amanda began devising this play in 2007. Six years later and the awareness of sexual abuse is prominent within our society more so than ever before partly due to the Jimmy Saville case that shocked us all. According to statistics ONE IN FOUR children will have experienced abuse under the age of 18, which is a shocking statistic. In my opinion this play has come at the right time, this issue cannot be brushed under the carpet any more and I believe society is ready to face up to the hidden known.

Lights up! Seated in a semi-circle are six women, they look uncomfortable/ nervous. The pace is slow. Information is brief. The ticking clock insinuates time is dragging. The sense is that everyone is reluctant to speak. The lights dim and a spotlight shines on one of the mothers. She opens up and begins to talk about her young daughter, as she does so she turns directly to the audience. This is a Brechtian technique, a technique that reminds us, the audience that although we are watching a play in a theatre, it is one that is also educating us on the injustices in society.

One women broke her silence and the pace soon after changed as the other women began revealing more about their experiences. Their story was given to us piece by piece which mirrored how they gathered the story, eventually seeing the whole picture. Intuition was a word, feeling that all the mothers expressed in various stages of the re-telling of their experiences. How do you prove intuition? Was a question I asked myself, whilst making a promise that I will never doubt myself in anything ever again. If it doesn't feel right it probably isn't.

Noise and visuals were also used, which heightened each individuals expressions to such a profound extent that surprised me. It was as though the semi-circle had extended beyond the stage and circled around me, enveloping me more intimately into their stories. I was transported into their counselling room, this safe place where people are heard, not judged and listened too with empathy and I felt the audience also mirrored this as observers. These are conditions that may not be present within society. 

My mind flashed back to conversations I over heard after Jimmy Saville was exposed as a prolific paedophile. The two words that I heard over and over again were “Why now?” in regards to the numerous people who disclosed after he died. Disclosure very rarely happens at the time the abuse takes place. Fear, self-blame and judgement are just some of the reasons coupled with emotional blackmail and so much more. Sexual abuse is not clear cut and society and its systems can appear heartless with victims on just about every level, in my opinion. Around me I heard crying, sniffles saw reassuring hugs and passing of tissues, everyone was affected. Although hard to hear this medium may be the only way for people to truly understand the impact and the failures.

The lights dim.The session is over. One by one the mothers leave, heading back to their individual reality, but not before expressing their, frustration, hope, despair and acceptance of this life sentence which they were all facing and willing to work through, in their own way.

                            

Authentic, ground breaking, insightful, powerful and necessary. By using verbatim from mothers who have gone through this experience enabled them to have a voice and enabled us, the audience to see a full picture of the impact sexual abuse has on the child and non- abusing parent for the first time. Through the different stories we quickly gather where the common failures lie. The legal, health and social systems have to change and the accessibility to porn at a young age also needs to be seriously looked into, as young children are watching and emulating and abusing other children. Technology has catapulted over the last decade and our systems and procedures haven’t caught up as fast.

I also think it is imperative that parents and people working with children need to know the signs and symptoms of abuse. I think young people are demonised very quickly when they display a change in behaviour. That display could be an external display of something much bigger. In order to help these vulnerable people, those in helping, caring and teaching positions have to be provided with the tools and knowledge. The information is out there but it is not being utilised to effectively help those who need it.

“Children should be seen and not heard”. How many of you have heard this old saying?  It is important to listen and observe children. Never shut them down. Pay attention as they may be trying to tell you something. “I know that Daddy has got wee wee and  milk in his willy” said Emily to her mother in the play. I think you would agree that this doesn't sound right. Emily is 4 years old. 

This is one play that bravely reveals true experiences in order for voices to be heard. However the intention branches out causing awareness to be heightened, further discussions on how systems can be changed for better protection and justice achieved for victims. This play would also work well as a visual educational tool for social workers, the police and judges especially, but everyone can and will benefit from being exposed to the reality of what is happening and has been happening within society.

FROM THE MOUTHS OF MOTHERS is a mother’s account of sexual abuse, however it is important to acknowledge that women, siblings, grandparents, anyone regardless of race, class or creed can be an abuser. This play is not painting a one -sided picture, but merely providing a voice to one segment of a bigger picture, with intertwined themes, emotions and struggles.

From this play I take away…

The power of observation

The power of intuition

The power of knowledge and insight

Art as communication, therapy and social change

and

It’s never to late to learn to see and hear.

For more information and resources  on this topic please visit Mosac

Helpline

ChildLine is the free helpline for children and young people in the UK

National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC).

The Children's Legal Centre is a unique, independent national charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people.

Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre.

Legal advice

Association of Child Abuse Lawyers 

Abney Garsden McDonaldsolicitors - Child Abuse Department

Citizen's Advice Bureau

Counselling

 British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP).

Rape and Sexual Abuse Counselling (RASAC)

Victim Support - Helping people cope with crime.

Organisations for adults who experienced sexual abuse as children

Survivors UK - Understanding male childhood sexual abuse and rape.

ONE IN FOUR - Offers a voice to and support for people who have experienced sexual abuse and sexual violence. 

The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC).

Resources

Directory And BookServices - providing professional support for adult survivors of abuse

© Lisa Bent 2013

ONE BILLION RISING

Thandie Newton appeared on Channel 4 news this week to highlight One Billion Rising  an organisation founded by Eve Ensler to raise awareness to the amount of women affected by rape and violence, which globally is ONE BILLION…and RISING.

One in three women on the planet will be raped or beaten in her lifetime. The case of the gang rape in India caused global shock and awareness and is very present within all our minds. However such incidents have been and are still occurring for many daily. I only found out about the horrific gang rape  in South Africa because Newton briefly mentioned it within this interview. Both Ladies were young students and both died in the most atrocious circumstances and yet coverage and exposure were at extreme differences. Why is this? Women’s voices need to be heard. This is happening and EVERY case should be exposed so that it remains present and current. In this world of technology things spread fast and seemingly forgotten the same way as other news takes precedence. But not if this organisation alongside V-Day has anything to do with it.

V-Day is a global activist movement whose aim is to end violence against women and girls, promoting creative events to “increase awareness, raise money and revitalize the spirit of existing anti-violence organisations”. This year on February 14^th, Valentine’s Day, they are inviting One BILLION women and those who love them to DANCE in a flash mob and other creative ways to show “our collective strength, our numbers, our solidarity across borders”.
Take a look at their powerful short film below.

“Violence against women is a pandemic” says Newton which crosses political, cultural and class lines. The aim of One Billion Rising is to raise awareness and provide ways to tackle the issues that are dominant within each country. The focus in  Mexico, for example  will be on Human Trafficking whilst here in the UK Sexual Education in schools will cover violence in the home and relationships. This is good however they also need to cover relationships with gang members, as this is a bigger subject with its own issues of sexual abuse, violence and power entirely. Revenge Porn also must be addressed.

Re•venge porn,n.- A form of cyber-rape that involves the distribution of sexually explicit photos and/or videos of an individual (either real or photoshopped) on the Internet without permission.  Revenge porn, sometimes called involuntary porn, is usually posted by a scorned ex-lover or friend, in order to seek revenge after a relationship has gone sour. 

Jon Snow asked about the sexualisation of younger women which provided greater insight into the truly harrowing scale of the impact of sexual violence and also into Newton’s own personal experience. Newton revealed girls in South Africa call rape sex. I cannot even fully grasp this. The fear, aggressive attack, violation, shame, guilt that women must feel and carry over no fault of their own is incomprehensible to me. Although this to  them is the norm due to the level of exposure, I cannot help but think their bodies, emotional and mental state must be saying something different, knowing it isn't right. How do you function with trauma, even when you think something is the norm? is a question that popped up in my mind, as well as beginning to think of the extending lines that branch out, whilst agreeing with Newton that how women perceive themselves as a result of abuse is problematic. Here Newton was speaking broadly but also from her own experience as she expressed she was violated and preyed on by directors when she was younger. Jon Snow was clearly taken aback as he heard her answer but went to the next scheduled question. He returned to her disclosure with compassion, and gentle enquiry which was commendable and professional.

Newton opened up to explain she was young, naïve and felt powerless because she didn't feel she had any power within male authority and went further to say if had she known or had someone who spoke up whilst she was entering the industry, her expectations would have been different. The way you are brought up helps to create your compass of self-worth and so much more, however I am now wondering how influential this still is alone, due to the powerful influence of media and technology. There is strength only if the communication is consistent, but so much is conflicting and contradicting.

Snow beautifully linked in Newton’s character in Crash where within she is sexually abused' by a  police officer, played by Matt Dillon  Her openness enabled us to see a glimmer into her shock and panic when she was told she had to wear protective wear for the scene.  I actually felt queasy at that point as the particular scene flashed in my head and I remembered how well she played that part and how violated I felt just by watching it. How much of her emotion and trauma from the past was in that scene? Did Newton feel she could have said no due to her experiences? And did doing it re-live her past experience putting her back in trauma? Where does authenticity stop and begin and how many actresses have felt powerless due to showing authenticity within their characters? I found this 2007 article and well, I'm furious for Newton. Her thoughts and feelings as a person were not taken into consideration for the sake of Art. This was/is exploitation as far as I'm concerned. Paul Haggis should be ashamed of himself. Directors have a responsibility too within the creative process and there was no care.

Abuse, exploitation, violation, rape and violence happens across different borders, cultures and situations. From Congo, Hollywood to work and home,  although extreme differences, the world cannot afford to see this as separate. Newton's honesty enabled me to see the connections within the differences. Regarding Newton's abuse at the hands of directors I want her to press charges for justice. This is how I feel which I could not ignore and wanted to express. However I also have to acknowledge what she does next is her choice and I hope the press acknowledge this also as they love hounding, witch hunting and playing guessing games. She has spoken and that in itself is powerful.

This was a great Interview and I thank Thandie Newton for highlighting this “pandemic” whilst being open and Jon Snow for being Jon Snow. 

Please click One Billion Rising and V-DAY for more information. What will you do this Valentines day?

Now learn the steps

                                   

© Lisa Bent 2013

FOR BROKEN RAINBOWS

I have been a fan of Ntozake Shange's work for years, so when I heard her choreopoem, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf was being made into a film, I was ecstatic though apprehensive upon hearing Tyler Perry was the writer, producer and director. Although I do not particularly like his films due to the stereotypical tone, lack of depth and predictable formulaic structures, I respect his ambition and drive. However Shange’s work is iconic. Get it right and you will be hailed, get it wrong and it could be career suicide and an insult to the original piece of work. Either way it was a risk…

The cast is lead by eight African-American women, seven of whom are based on the play's seven characters identified by colours, such as "Lady in Red", "Lady in Blue" and "Lady in Yellow" etc. Perry remains faithful to the poetic style and has successfully devised a storyline that visually brings to life the words. The themes of love, rape, abandonment, infidelity and abortion are explored in linear time that weave and connect the characters together.

                                   

Macy Gray (Rose) Loretta Devine (Juanita) and Anika Noni-Rose (Yasmine) put on stellar performances as did Thandie Newton. She was exceptional as a promiscuous drunk and I cannot imagine anyone including Mariah Carey, who was originally cast for this role but pulled out due to “medical reasons”(being pregnant), to play “Tangie” with such conviction. Through her storyline we see an insight into sexual abuse, the emotional, physical and psychological impact it can have and the strain on family dynamics and relationships.

“Alice”, her mum played by Whoopi Goldberg, uncomfortably shows the damage of keeping abuse secret, whilst also highlighting the potential mental health issues as a result of such trauma. She is a hoarder and clearly suffers from OCD. Although never explained, her behaviour may have a correlation to her abusive past, as we see her need to control and create what she feels is a safe environment, something she was unable to do as a child, due to the violation at the hands of her father. 

“Kelly’s” story is brought to life through Kerry Washington, who brings to the forefront the emotional turmoil of not being able to have children. With no signs or symptoms we learn this harsh robbery was a result of an STD. The tone of blame laid firmly at the door of the promiscuous man, while the acknowledgement of self-care and personal responsibility gained barely a whisper. The message lay buried for the audience to think and uncover. Whilst we cannot control the actions of others, we can control ours by regularly visiting the sexual health clinic for check ups.

“Kelly” also gives voice to the pressures social workers are faced with everyday. Her visit to “Crystal” reveals the complicated nature of her job and the fear that prevents her from doing her job. Played by Kimberley Elise, “Crystal” is a victim of domestic violence and her children are witnesses of it. What stops her leaving is compassion and understanding for her partner. He is a former war veteran who sufferers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which is common, though rarely spoken about within this context. Tragedy strikes and we follow “Crystal” through the unbearable grieving process.

The rise of HIV within the black community is raised and with it the dialogue for further discussion on promiscuity, being on the "downlow" and what constitutes as being Gay, through the story of “Jo” played by Janet Jackson. The lines are murky, the excuses unacceptable and the life threatening behaviour to self and others rife due to dishonesty and denial.

Although Jackson played the part well, I thought her character lacked depth and originality. As a director of a fashion magazine her character walked off the set of The Devil Wears Prada and into this film in the same 6 inch high heeled and rude manner. Whilst I acknowledge Perry could have chosen the same mannerisms to make a statement about the nature of the fashion industry being nothing to do with race and all about power and attitude, it didn’t work for me and seemed lazy.

… Yes this was a risk and one which I am glad Perry took. In this form the message, lessons and insights are able to reach those who perhaps would not have picked up the book. The film gives a voice to the silent black women who seem to carry not only their own baggage but the baggage of others too. Struggling with the hurt and “sucking it up and getting on with it”, seems to be the coping method for many. Healing is needed and cannot be done unless the hurt and pain is looked at and released.

The themes within however hold no exclusivity, any individual regardless of race, colour or creed can end up with a crushed spirit, shattered self-esteem and in a place of no hope. We all can be broken rainbows due to situations, circumstance and well, life. So while this film based on the original work is For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf, the themes within are universal and all races could benefit from watching.

With such strong themes the questions I am left with, centre around the lack of promotion and marketing in London. Where was the premiere? And with such a strong and high profile cast, where was the spokesperson or representative championing the film and further raising awareness to the issues raised within?

......................................................................................

For Broken Rainbows who have watched the film and identify with the themes and need to talk, I have listed some agencies that you may want to consider contacting.

Mosac – works with Parents and Carers of Children who have been sexually abused

National Free Helpline: 0800 980 1958

http://www.mosac.org.uk/

Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Centre (RASAC) - Support to Rape and sexual abuse victims.

National helpline: 0808 802 999

http://rasasc.bizview.co.uk/

Rape Crisis - Provides a range of specialist services for women and girls that have been raped.

National Free Helpline: 0808 802 9999

www.rapecrisis.org.uk

Terence Higgins Trust – Service and support centre for HIV sufferers and those at risk.

Helpline: 0845 1221 200

Email: info@tht.org.uk.

www.tht.org.uk

Womens Aid: Support and advice for domestic violence victims.

National Helpline: 0808 2000 247

www.womensaid.org.uk

Cruse Bereavement centre: Support and advice centre for those who are grieving

www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk

National Helpline: 0844 477 9400

Mind: Provides information, advice and support on mental health issues.

Information line: 0845 766 0163

www.mind.org.uk

Brook Advisory Centre: Provides advice, information and support on all sex related issues.

Helpline: 0808 802 1234

www.brook.org.uk

Book suggestion for all: In the Meantime: Finding yourself and the love you want.A great place to start in identifying baggage, clearing it, looking at self, finding and resolving issues. Learning to love self and then others.

“You can never love anyone to your own detriment. That is not love that is possession, control, fear, or a combination of them all”.

(Iyanla Vanzant- In the meantime: finding yourself and the love you want).

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© 2010 Lisa Bent