Love your neighbour as thyself?

I was compelled to ask this question after I watched 3 women push past a pregnant women and step over her pushchair this morning, as they rushed to get onto the train. I literally couldn't believe my eyes. Their actions were redundant as they were now in the way of the same women with the pushchair and had to move to make space. Normally I see these things and silently fume but this morning I just couldn't do it. “What is the point of your actions” I asked looking at the women involved in their eyes. “You can see that she has a pushchair and is pregnant and you’re pushing past her like she doesn’t exist. I’m actually disgusted”. I then asked the lady how she manages every morning to which she shrugged and then said thank you to me. I could feel my blood boiling. I was more upset than she was. Her shrug implied that what I witnessed was nothing new and her attitude was one of acceptance whilst I carried the anger.

How many women and men with pushchairs go through this each morning? How many pregnant women standing feel ignored? Although times have changed there is still a silent expectation that if there is one seat left, a man should offer this to a nearby woman before sitting down if she refuses, out of courtesy. However this gender courtesy doesn’t transcend to compassionate courtesy when it comes to pregnant standing women. I have seen both men and women do the “Let me keep my head down and pretend that I haven’t seen her” action. 

With no space to hold my newspaper or scroll through my phone, I was left with my thoughts which rather than serving as a distraction, fuelled my anger as I thought about other instances I had seen. I instantly thought of Barbados. Not for the beautiful sunshine, beaches or food but the nature of the people. There is a strong sense of community and a pregnant lady on a bus would be inundated with offers for a seat. Elderly people are looked after and even if a young person carrying lots of bags was standing, the nearest person sitting down would be holding their bags for them. I have seen this also in Jamaica and Malta. I haven’t travelled the world but I’m sure there are other places and areas in London that have a strong sense community (Please feel free to reveal your observations in the comment box).

It appears society as a whole needs an injection of kindness, compassion and solidarity. It should not matter whether you have children or not to be able to identify with a pregnant lady or mother or father pushing a pushchair, shouldn’t we all as human beings have the desire to care?  “Care” is buzzword at the moment as the government are looking into the lack of care of patients and the elderly, who are in the care of those are paid to care. An inquiry by the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) An inquiry by the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) found a number of elderly people were being let down by care home services. The report highlighted experiences of physical abuse, neglect of personal care, patronising or ignoring older people, financial abuse and theft, lack of control and flexibility and lack of personal sensitivity and privacy. 

Whilst on the report they made recommendations on how to improve the services it doesn't go deep enough because some people in these roles don’t care. In fact it is not the uniform that makes you care, it is the type of person that you are that is imperative to a caring role. The uniform in my eyes acts as identification and reveals they are represented by a professional body and therefore governed by an ethical framework. I think a 12 week introduction course in counselling is a fantastic method to use in all helping professions The 3 core-conditions of the Person-Centred Approach (PCA) Empathy, Unconditional Positive Regard and Congruence is a way of being tool that should be included in the foundation of all public and private sectors, as it focuses on how to provide a caring non bias service whilst promoting the importance of self-awareness, reflection and personal responsibility.

Last week Friday on the train home I sat next to an 88 year old lady. It was about 11pm and I did wonder why she was out so late, but that's none of my business as older people can have an active life too. At London Bridge a lady got on and  through shear lack of awareness allowed her bag to knock into the face of this lady. I had to prod her and tell her to move her bag. The older lady said thank you. If I hadn't said anything I wondered if she would have? She got of at the same stop as me and as I watched her, I became concerned about her safety. So I asked her if she had far to go and how she was getting home, "I'm fine love, I'm getting a cab". I told her to take care and she replied " I wish you could look after me all the time".  I kid you not when I say those words ripped my heart out, as for me it expressed her experience in lack of care, kindness and support. That night those words plagued me and those who follow me on twitter will know I had a sleepless night. 

Manners and compassion are acts of kindness that come for free, yet somewhere down the road this way of being is becoming rare, so much so that there is a “Good deed Feed” section in The Metro (Page 15) that serves as a reminder that kind people exist and acts of kindness does occur. I actually smile while reading it whilst acknowledging this should be standard behaviour. Society as a collective needs to re-learn how to be compassionate and kind to each other.

This is meant to be a Christian country but is it really?  How many people "love your neighbour as thyself?" Maybe this is the next question for The Big Questions What do you think Nicky Campbell?

© Lisa Bent 2012

Too hard. Too fast. Too deep.

For the past couple of weeks I have been trying to get my head around David Cameron’s The Big Society ethos and after much consideration I have come to the conclusion that not only is it a buzzword and a patronising one which discredits all the hard work charities and other public and non for profit organisations have been doing over the years, it is also another “I want to leave my mark on society” which seems to be the ego led drive of so many Prime Minister’s.

Speaking in the Cabinet Room 18th May 2010 the PM said he wanted his vision of a “Big Society” of community work and social enterprise to be one of the “great legacies” of his Government. The aim is "To create a climate that empowers local people and communities, building a big society that will 'take power away from politicians and give it to people.'                    (http://www.number10.gov.uk/news/topstorynews/2010/05/big-society-502).

        Picture source: http://redlandslabour.org.uk/?p=281

I agree with Matthew Wright who says MP should stand for Members of the Public not Parliament. The world they live in seems to be very disconnected from the public who they are meant to be representing. If he really wanted the people to have more say then why haven’t I and many others, been asked about the social issues that we are currently going through from the cuts to UK’s involvement within the war against Colonel Gaddaffi? The government can track my movements via my Oyster card, through the hundreds of camera’s across London and through the Google car spies, so “I passed by and you weren’t home” isn’t going to wash.

The government has slashed funding dramatically to the extent that a lot of organisations that do amazing work have had to close. MOSAC is one of these agencies and one which is close to my heart. As a counsellor I worked with parents and carers of children who have been sexually abused, the work here is extremely important and vital for families going through such emotional difficulties. This non for profit company like so many others, was set up to fill needs and demands that the government overlooked or did not provide. Due to the cuts MOSAC now only has an online presence, which is good but nothing can substitute for one to one interaction in an empathetic, supportive and holding environment.

Everyone pay’s taxes into society’s pot to help it function. Though I am now questioning the purpose as society isn’t functioning. Cuts to the police force means a lack of police presence on the streets, lack of safety for those who live in gun toting areas where these idiots seem to be in charge of the streets with no concern or regard for those in the cross-fire or the repercussions of their actions.  Community service over prisons, ever-changing rules on drug laws and so I ask you what is the deterrent?

The divide between the rich and poor will increase as will crime, joblessness, homelessness and squatting. I am sorry to be so bleak but this is inevitable and I am extremely concerned that the government seem to have overlooked the dominoes effect of their too hard, too fast and too deep cut throat slashing. The obvious seems to be missing as figures, numbers and money seems to be blinding their long term vision, as they try and plug this deficit that I for one never created or benefitted from. 

Picture source: http://current.com/news-and-politics/77272961_extreme-rich-poor-divides.htm

Many “third world” countries have been in debt for years due to countries charging extortionate rates further bleeding them dry. Money was a thought/ concept manifested into being and a value attached to it. What if we all just started from scratch, no debt, deficit and one currency? Imagine that? ....

Those who have abused benefits have now had the rug pulled out from under their feet. Whilst I feel this has been overdue I do not agree with how the government are going about it, after all this is the same system that numerous MP’s also abused. Expenses is the rich man’s dole, different but the same, united by loop holes in the law. The government created this nanny state and it is the government’s duty, in my opinion to wean them off it. Weaning is a slow process that involves interventions, tools and techniques to help the abusers of the system not only give back to a society that has propped them up like a crutch for years, but also to help raise self-esteem and confidence so that they can function within the workforce. As a read this back, it all sounds so pampered, people in other countries with far less hustle everyday. There is no help from their government. Their motivation is to provide, survive and aim for a better life.  All I can do is shake my head...acknowledge and continue...

The rug pulling technique is a double whammy and one which will get much worse before it gets better. It is the government who enforce these rules though it is the people on ground level who will feel it the most. As alcohol and drug abuse rises so will mental health issues. Who will help when the services will be even more stretched in the months and years to come? And how will hardworking non abusers of the system feel and cope with the changing community that they live in? The working class and middle/upper class divide will widen but so will the working class and those who are non-working. 

Cameron went onto say …

“Today is the start of a deep and serious reform agenda to take power away from politicians and give it to people...we know instinctively that the state is often too inhuman, monolithic and clumsy to tackle our deepest social problems. We know that the best ideas come from the ground up, not the top down. We know that when you give people and communities more power over their lives, more power to come together and work together to make life better – great things happen.”

Yeah this sounds great but this is not reality right now. I think Cameron is at least 20 years ahead of himself, evidenced through the weekly debate regarding religion, church and state that The Big Questions seem to highlight every week and get no closer to any kind of agreement or understanding let alone discussions on how to move forward and work together in harmony through the acceptance and respect of different views and of others in general.

Febuary 24th 2011 Cameron began his £2 million a year quest to find out what makes people happy. Happines is of course a subjective experiance and so meanings will differ. The general consenus of what the community don't want is...

                                       
                                             Picture source: http://www.wearedorothy.com/art/big-society-poster/


If the government start with eradicting this, then im sure the answers to what makes individuals and society as a whole happy will be clearly evident.

Related Posts:
1.Rat + Bird = Fish?
2.Evolution = Revolution?
3.The Right to Die: Who has the Power?

© Lisa Bent 2011