Sell by date?

This morning I woke up and switched the TV on to Daybreak. I don’t know why I continue to do this, but after today my choice of an early rising wake up call, will be determined by my choice of music. I just could not believe the level of scaremongering and judgment that was coming from my TV set.

Once again the news and therefore Daybreak decided to tell us yet again that after the age of 30 years old the amount of eggs women have decreases, which means by the age of 35 it is estimated that about 20 per cent of women aged 35 to 39 are infertile, hence a greater proportion of pregnant women in this and older age groups, will have or will be undergoing fertility treatment. I am tired of “women wanting careers” being used as the only reason for this, as it is not only an insult but lacks consideration of other factors.

First and foremost as human beings we all have choices and life therefore, will be an individual concept for all of us. Just because a women has the organs that incubate a baby does not necessarily mean she therefore has to have children. What if life was not about procreation but about self-fulfilment and being all that you are first and foremost and the decision to have children was secondary? The judgement on women who want careers still has a Victorian tone which is unacceptable.

The second obvious and overlooked point I would like to make, is that many women are childless at thirty and beyond due to the fact that they have not found a partner. I am in this position and so are many of my friends. I thought children were beings made out of love and not fear, pressure and expectations. Evidently I must be wrong, hmmm perhaps I should just go out and find a man this weekend because guess what… I’m 32 this year which means I now have less than 28 per cent of my eggs left…Er no thanks.

The scaremongering needs to stop and other factors need to be considered. The biggest paradox here is that teenagers in the UK have the highest rate of pregnancies which we judge them for, yet today Daybreak promoted having children early! I’m confused. At such a young age teenagers are individuals who are still finding themselves and in some cases got pregnant by mistake, wanted a child early and well the possibilities and reasons are endless. Older adults are likely to know themselves better, be in a better position to have children and be more aware of their needs and wants, though may not have found love. Regardless of where you sit on the paradox scale, love and a long term partner/relationship may be a factor missing in both circumstances. So what do you do if you are over 30 years old and single?

Compromise by having a baby with anyone? Treat babies like a business transaction? Rely on IVF? I don’t have the ideas or answers; all I know is that one glove does not fit all. Yes we are all human beings made of the same stuff, but we are all different in the same breath and therefore how can one rule be applied to all. Am I really meant to believe that every female at a certain age has exactly X amount of eggs left?

I believe nothing for you will pass you and so rather than concentrating on what I do not have, I look forward to want I want to have. I believe in the universal laws of life and self-fulfilling prophecies, I therefore refuse to let scaremongering drive me to make decisions that are based on fear. I am not saying this is easy, after all we live in an age obsessed and fear based society and I am also aware of the natural process of the human body. However how is worrying meant to help?

Related Posts:
1.Invisible but Felt
2.Forced Statement of Love?

   
© 2011 Lisa Bent

Dazzled by the Stars...Lost in the Quest

It would appear the definition of success for young people today evolves around the concept of being “known”. This thought is echoed by the realisation that the career aspirations of girls today centre on becoming a WAG (Wife and Girlfriend of a footballer), Glamour model or Pop star. The Pussy Cat Dolls song When I grow up, which peaked at number 3 in the UK charts, clearly tapped into the wants and dreams of many. So what is it about this lifestyle that is so appealing?

No matter where you look, our screens and papers are awash with high profile successful individuals in glamorous attire, living the life that many consumers want. Hence the reason why so many celebrity endorsed brands do so well. Individuals want a piece of what they have and are willing to part with their money to ‘Glo’ like J-Lo, “Get the London Look” like Kate Moss and even wear FUGG’s (Fake Ugg boots) to imitate the celebrity style.

As an outsider looking in, it appears the hard work it takes to become successful to a mainstream level is not seen as inspiring or motivating, but long, un-necessary and time consuming by the majority of teenagers. Forget Generation X this is Generation NOW, a group of young individuals seeking instant gains for instant gratification. Not necessarily there fault, might I add, teenagers have merely evolved with the changing trends and technology. However I also wonder whether their appearing attitude has a direct link to the one-sided influx of only the most glamorous aspects of what these celebrities do?

Wining, dining, sun bathing, parties, magazine deals etc, rarely do we see the day to day work routine of the rich and famous that has enabled them to have the lifestyle they have and so whilst adults (there are exceptions) have a better understanding of the blood, sweat and tears involved, both young viewers and teenagers are still learning and yet to be awoken by the smell of coffee.

The birth of reality TV began 10 years ago thanks to Big Brother, who opened the doors of opportunity to desperate talentless individuals with stars in their eyes. Play it right and your 5 minutes of fame may stretch to weeks, months or years if you’re lucky. Play it wrong and you could become a hate figure or nonentity. For the “prize” (the money and beyond) many have and still are prepared to take the risk and as a result many have been evicted with less than they entered with. Loss of dignity and integrity are high prices to pay for the blasé acknowledgment that “It’s only a game show” don’t you think? There have been a handful of successful contestants and so in spite of the consequences many will continue to try their luck for instant fame and possibly fortune here and on other reality shows.

When I was younger I wanted to be Wonder Women, seriously. Other than the red lipstick, tiara, cape and boots, she saved people’s lives which I also found appealing. I decided the nearest real life role was a nurse and so dabbled with the idea until I realised needles, blood and medicine, all of which I hated, were important live saving aspects. To the majority, TV hospital dramas such as ER and Casualty are said to have encouraged many teenage girls to choose careers within the field of medicine. Whilst both programmes are still on- air, reality shows are dominating the screens whilst celebrities are dominating both the press and screens. Consequently should I or any of us really be surprised that this celebrity craze culture has had a huge impact on young people’s ambitions?

Attitudes have changed and so has behaviour which is clear to see on a Friday and Saturday night. Have you also seen the young girls dressed to the nines wearing outfits and shoes straight out of the fashion pages of magazines and music videos that centered on their idols? With great clothes at affordable prices looking fabulous is easy. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with looking hot and having a great time, the problem is that no one looks like they are having a great time. Why? I have no idea but will contribute the following guesses…too cool, part of the swagger and the blatantly obvious fact that standing in 6 inch shoes is painful.

Artists are protected by bodyguards and hardly ever have to walk more than 100 yards anywhere. Emulating Lady GaGa from head to toe on a night out in London is just absurd and the fact that so many young individuals are doing it surely is a clear indication that inhibitions have definitely been lowered.

Sex sells, it is a fact and one which I find uncomfortable as it feels like a form of grooming. Sexual images, content and suggestion are no longer out of reach on the top shelf of the local newsagent. Press the remote, tune into the radio, look online, it is blatantly there. Look back at artists such as Ciara, Beyonce, Cassie and Britney for example, they all started out looking cute, respectable, innocent and quickly turned into sex objects, tantalising teasers, with outfits associated with porn and lyrical content littered with sexual innuendos. Young girls are emulating their role models just like I did with Wonder Women. However dress up has moved away from innocence to adult suggestion. The underlying messages of these constant sexual images projected onto young girls soon to be women can form into an unconscious internalisation that this is how they are expected to and should behave.

It is therefore no surprise as to why being seen to be seen appears to be the in thing and less to get attention, is definitely more. However this is an act and possibly part of the reason why I find so many clubs in London vibeless. Everyone is trying to be like…so and so rather than being…themselves. A whole lot of swagger with absolutely no substance.

A man could be fine as hell, but a man who has vision and is working towards his aspirations makes him even more desirable to me. Fake it till you make it, is not a notion I believe in, as I see it as selling yourself out, whilst aspirations like becoming a WAG is selling yourself short. Wags are “known” because of their situation rather than their skills. So someone striving to become a WAG could be classified as no more than a glorified contemporary gold digger. Whether you agree or disagree one thing is for sure, this “aspiration” is an underselling of one’s OWN potential?

Many are losing themselves in the desperate quest for stardom, doing anything and everything to be instantly “known”. But can fame ever last more than a moment?

Yes they may grace the cover of top magazines and be papped at awards ceremonies and events, however whilst the smile and beautiful dress is forever captured in a still, the feeling of adoration and external validation lasts only as long as the lights continue to flash. Once this stops there is no attention and therefore no fame. Then what? Stardom can’t give you what you don’t already have.

Everybody is a somebody it’s just a shame that society puts so much value on the notion of stardom. Celebrities are not separate from us, they are mere mortals too, the only difference is that they have a wider platform to showcase there abilities.


© 2009 Lisa Bent