What's Love Got to Do With It?

How difficult is it to comprehend that sex without protection has serious implications on not only individual health, but the health of those they are intimate with? Having watched The Joy of Teen Sex last night on channel 4 the question appears to be as hard and complex as trigonometry. As a result parents, teachers, advice workers doctors etc seem to have an impossible task on their hands. I could understand if there was no information or range of protection methods, as is the case in many poor countries, but this is not the case and as a result further heightens my anger at the stupidity and ignorance of the young, who refuse to pay attention to warnings and health risks.

It is no secret that the UK not only has the highest rate of STD’s in Europe, but also the highest rate in teenage pregnancies. Statistic’s i'm sure you will agree are nothing to be proud off. So why in one breath are young people being told of the dangers of unprotected sex and in the next, tips and suggestions given to make sex more pleasurable. Yes granted, the show allowed some young teenagers/adults to voice their concerns and anxieties, but evidently the last thing that needs to be promoted is more information on how to enjoy the intimate act.

I could only cringe at the pubescent looking naked actors, as they re-enacted the positions the sex expert explained. Am I becoming prudish in my old age? Am I alone in thinking it was unnecessary soft porn? And did anyone else have a passing thought that old horny men would be perving over seeing that? It all just felt unnecessary, I understand this view may be very different to the teenagers watching the show, but Anna Richardson’s The Sex Education Show created more of an educational insightful balance.

The one and very major point that I think everyone has missed is that within sex education LOVE and meaningful relationships no longer feature. Why is no-one asking why these teenagers feel the need to have one night stands and multiple partners? Instead this behaviour has become acknowledged as the norm and accepted. The counsellor in me cannot ignore that on what seems to be a majority consensus scale; teenagers as a collective are searching for something. Yes instant sexual gratification is obvious, but on a deeper level what is it that they are desperately looking for?

I do not have the answer to this naturally, but validation, approval and a desire to please seem central. "What’s love got to do, got to do with it?” By Tina Turner pops into my head and the answer to that is evidently NOTHING!. Sex and love have become separate. I am intrigued to know how they define love, because their idea of sex is so far removed from my own ideas and notions. Sex is an intimate act, but these kids are going around like all they are doing is exchanging and swapping DVD’s. There appears to be no rules and therefore no boundaries; this coupled with the lack self care and protection is a recipe for disaster.

Further to all of this, teenagers have got things inside out. You can never find in another, what you cannot find in yourself. Teenagers need to sit down and learn to love themselves, because with this comes instant respect, integrity, consciousness, individual and social responsibility. No one who loves themself would put themselves in such jeopardy for a moment. However I acknowledge that I am an adult looking in and as a result adults, parents, teachers, advisors are the ones that need to promote this aspect.

Related Posts:
1.For Broken Rainbows
2.Whats Love for to so with it?
3.I Will Follow...U2: Film Review
4. Chance to make a Change
5.Give to Get

©  Lisa Bent 2011

Under age and having SEX!

I thought I would begin by stating this is and probably will be my shortest blog EVER! Why? let me tell you...

Who watched Under age and having sex last night?

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/underage-and-having-sex/4od

Whilst I felt the documentary was a good insight into the thought’s and therefore behaviour of teenagers, it was also reminiscent of conducted researches where the results could already be predicted if you applied common sense. Like, if you pour milk on cornflakes, cornflakes will at some point go soggy- no brainer, right? Well evidently not, because here is the link to the research regarding conflakesgate and the results found. I'm being serious!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2008/aug/12/research.highereducation

So the no brainer reason in my eyes, as too why these teenagers were having underage sex, is because their parents had not given them any reason not to have sex. From the time a mother can sit in front of her daughter and proudly express, in a jokey fashion the reasons why she doesn’t like the words c*unt or Cum, there is a problem and you don’t need Apollo 13 to travel to space and tell you that!

Where the hell were the boundaries? Where was the fear? My mum told me from day dot, that whilst sex education was important, I had no business doing it. And as for boys? Books were the only thing I needed to have an interest in, “I brought you into this world and I can take you out” these were the words that instilled fear into me...it worked. I was raised with a clear definition of who my mother was, she was not my friend and therefore I could not speak to her in the same ways as I would with Becky, Amanda or Tasha. Whilst I believe a relationship where the child/teenager feels able to talk to their parent is highly beneficial, there needs to be a balance within the equilibrium.

I had discipline and with it guidance, which seemed to have been a removed concept amongst the parents in the documentary. With the way of world today, would you have allowed your child to be filmed talking about their sex life? All the views came from girls, were they not afraid that they would be bullied? Stigmatised as promiscuous? Or even now that their identity is revealed pressured into sex?

“Sex is something to do to take up time” are you kidding me? Although teenagers are learning about and engaging in sex, the value, specialness, self-respect, love and the importance of being in a relationship is totally lacking in their awareness. Lack of emotional understanding may also be tied into the argument. Either way, the main responsibility lies with the parent! If you are too embarrassed to talk about sex to your child then you are failing your child. If you are too lax with your child, then you are failing your child.

Find the balance and do your job...instil, guide, discipline, love, protect and care!