Dating in the 21st Century: Part1

My last relationship was two years ago. I can’t tell you the last time I met someone new or went on a date. Please don’t say “Ahhhh” because this situation called singledom is self inflicted. The truth is I haven’t felt bothered to look or make an effort, I have however been open to fineness, if fineness happens to cross my path. The only path that has shown up is  Speed Dating and the wise words of  Paul Carrick Brunson . Cleary Mr Fine, is stuck in a traffic, in hiding or is relaxing someone telepathically telling me “Your husband awaits. Patience my darling is a virtue”.  Faith is a funny old thing and because I believe in it, the latter scenario is probably true. 


The paradox however lies in the fact that singledom is harder in winter and winter people, is coming. Do not get it twisted, the same kind of standards apply all year round and do not drop for this season...I am merely just acknowledging a fact, do I get an Amen?

This is cool and sad at the same time

This week I met two guys in two very different circumstances. The first guy, who I will call Mr A to protect his identity, was introduced to me via a friend. She sold him well to me and vice versa and we met this week. Prior to the meeting we exchanged a few emails which centred on availability and location with a little humorous flair added. This was to be our first blind dates.  A situation like this involves trust, trust that the match maker got the equations of personalities correct.

When I walked into the bar, Mr A was already there waiting in the best seat in the house. As we greeted each other, it was like we were long time friends. Nerves must have taken a day off that night, because they weren’t with me. 15 minutes in and he had already clocked up 4 gold stars, the location, seating area, greeting and wine choice. Fast forward; I find intelligent men sexy, I love openness, debate and transparency. If I cannot look into a man’s eyes and see more...there is a problem. Mr A is a lovely, genuine, kind hearted soul. As he walked me to the station and we said our goodbyes, I clocked up that he accumulated at least 10 Gold stars. Do not ask me where this gold star system has come from, perhaps Super Mario overdose when I was younger has a lot to answer for. 

Anyway I view this as a nice way to focus on the good points.  Future dates who read this... I hope it doesn’t put you off.

The next day, after work I went to an event and as soon as I walked in I was drawn to Mr B,  I cannot tell you what it was but you know when your friend is talking to you and you end up acting like your listening because you cannot focus, because you are aware someone is watching you? Well that is what I was doing (Sorry Akua) In hindsight, that must have looked ridiculous, oh well. So after the event I was trying to look out for him without being bait, he was doing the same thing because we caught each other’s eye “Where have I seen you before” he mouthed. I am bad at lip reading so I had no choice but to go over and say... “Huh?”. Who does that? Of all the words, why couldn’t I have elegantly said “Sorry, what did you say?” No that’s just too easy. Clearly he had never seen my face before but that little chat up line is better than “PPPSSSSHHH PSSSSSHHHHH” “Ay what’s your name” or “HEY! However to be fair to the men that do approach me, “Hey Miss” is the usual greeting, which I love.

Anyway fast forward...I took Paul Carrick Brunson's advice and decided to give him a compliment I said “Your eyelashes are so long. Do you know I have to apply 3 coats of mascara to get what you naturally have” Can you fricking believe that? Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut? What is wrong with me? As I looked to the floor searching for the little visible crack to try and disappear into, not before noticing how nice and clean his shoes were, his laugh and the words “Thank you” enabled me to look into his pretty eyes again without the shame. That broke the ice.

At the corner of my eye I could see Akua and Michelle signalling and mouthing words I couldn’t read. It was the repeated movement of putting a non existent phone to their ear that informed me they were egging me on to “Get his number”. They wanted to go home and intuitively new that speeding up this process was the way to do it. So as he was talking I cut over him to say... “Look, can I have your number?” Oh my God! how rude am I? There are nicer ways to ask, I don’t know what happened. I guess this is what pressure does. Men I will NEVER judge you for asking me for my number in this way AGAIN. I get it. It’s not intentional...by the majority.

He said yes and asked “Do you want the number or bb pin?” I am not used to choice. There has never been choice before. My brain said both and my mouth said pin. So I ended up with the latter, I kicked myself  but then decided to see what conversing in this way would be like, since this appears to be the preferred method by teenagers and young adults.

I wasn’t really waiting for a bus, but look two came at once.

BB exchanged and the pinging began. Morning, lunch, afternoon and night, I was smiling throughout the day due to the questions and flirting. It was different in a nice way but very distracting. We decided to meet this weekend. I had a chilled Saturday and was looking forward to the evening. We decided on the time but not place as he didn’t like my restaurant suggestion (bloody cheek).

Anyway I was adding new apps to my phone and a password. Everything was great until I logged back in and my phone was telling me my password was incorrect, even though it was correct. Fourth attempt and STRIKE...my phone wiped everything. EVERYTHING. I last backed up early October so I managed to sync everything again, everything except his bb pin!

My phone didnt even say this. It just went straight for the wipe

Oh well. I clearly didn't catch that bus very well.

So I can conclude that 21^st century dating has its pro’s and cons. Recommendations are the way forward. I am not saying I want anyone to arrange a marriage for me, but I now see the value in the essence of suggesting potential partners. Friends with single men...send in your suggestions, this is an underrated experience. This way also had a courting vibe about it which was respectful and cute. Two people in the same situation open to the possibilities. I would definitely recommend this.

Had my friends not rushed me, I think I would have waited a little longer to see if he would have asked me for mine details, before asking. However I have no problem with being forward. I quite liked it. The BB way of doing things has its benefits, i.e. I am not getting charged, we are in a recession don’t you know (joke) though it felt alien and lazy. I like to hear the voice at the other end of a phone and where are the boundaries? You wouldn’t call or email someone that many times in a day, so why is this okay on BB? There are different rules and I’m not sure what they are or even if I want to know. I may ask my brother to educate me anyway (Never thought I would say that). Both ways of interacting were interesting but the lesson that stands out the most is...

Never relay on digital devices. Before technology ruled the world asking for their full name and  phone number was a basic requirement. Oh how times have changed. 

So as I finish this sentence I am  left wondering if Mr B has sent a few messages that have been delivered but not received. Will he know to re-add me again? or is he wondering why none of his messages are getting read? Did he even send anymore messages? If not the whole point of me wondering is a pointless act.

I will update you if Mr B finds me again! Ohhh the suspense eh? Ha Ha. The trials and tribulations of dating!


Related Posts:
1. Dating in the s1st Century: Part2
2.The Big Conversations: Review
3.Catch Me Cupid: Review